I have a lot to be Joyful about here are a few things ………

My blog was selected as one of the Top 100 Health Coach Blogs By The Institute for the Psychology of Eating.

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Visiting my new nephew Asher 

• 2 of my 4 sisters are coming to visit. It will be the first time we have been together in a long time.
• We have air conditioning and it’s very hot outside 
• Bananas are chilling in the freezer for some homemade banana peanut butter “ice-cream ”  tonight  ( recipe and pictures coming soon )

What has brought you joy this week?

Love & Grace, 

 

I have thought about this for quite for some time now.  It has taken me a couple months to come back to blogging and what I might say to my 28 year-old self. I have so many things I want to convey yet words seem so limiting. When I started to write, I found myself writing the same thing over and over again, starting with…

” I promise you things will get better. Your feelings, your pain, your struggles with food and your body are actually the doorways, the pathway to the healing you so desperately are seeking.

 and 

“You are beautiful, you are strong, and you are more than good enough, exactly the way you are.  You are beautiful, you are strong, and you are more than good enough, exactly the way you are. “

Somehow these “words” just keep replaying in my head over and over again.  

While I would love to be sharing with you a long beautifully written letter that “I would have written to my 28 year-old self”, that is not what I am going to do.

Instead I want to know, what would you want to know, or hear if you were struggling with your relationship with food and your body?

What questions would you have about the path to healing your relationship with food,  body image, or lasting weight loss?

I would love to hear your responses in the comments below.

Love & Grace, 

AnaLisa

I wrote this in 2001  

I hate myself right now. I feel like I have no control over anything in my life.  My food, my body, my mind. It is so scary to have food rule my life and feel like I can’t get a handle on it.  I wish food did not exist.  My relationship with food is just as bad as my relationship with my body and myself. That’s a pretty scary thought.  Food, Food, Food!!  How come I can’t win at this battle. Its been going on for years.  Where does this insaitable hunger come from and why does it plague me so?  Why must I torture my body and mind in such a ruthless way?  What does it all mean?  Why can’t I get control of it why?  The questions seem so simple yet the answers are so complex that I can’t seem to begin to understand them.  How many more pounds will I have to gain and lose before this mystery is solved? I really can’t take much more of this. I hate myself more and more each day and I continue to feel like an even bigger failure after each failed attempt at control at balance.  Will there ever be any peace in this neverending battle? How can you fight a battle when you don’t know what it is you are fighting against?

 

Is it hunger?

Is it pain?

The things I’ve lost

The pounds I’ve gained

The time I spent craving things so sweet

How much more must I eat?

Till the bitter taste has gone away

And my palate is clean so I can say

The past is gone

There is no trace

Look in my eyes

Study my face

Smell my breath

Check my teeth

There is nothing hiding underneath

I can bite my tounge and cheek

When I feel my will is weak

But nothing else should pass these lips

So one day soon you’ll see these hips

Getting smaller day by day

Slowly shrinking , fading away

Like images from the past

Their bitter taste just seems to last

And linger like bad morning breath

While planning my untimely death

Is it by pills, food, ocean, or fire?

What action does my heart desire?

Still have a heart ?

How can that be true?

After all that I’ve been through?

If there’s a heart

Its beyond repair

With pieces scattered everywhere

Edges that are ripped and torn

Charred , burned, frayed and worn.

If I could write a letter to  my 28 year old self  what would I say?

Stay tuned…..

Love & Grace, 

AnaLisa

1.  My mom was a “Health Food Fanatic”  when I was growing up.

2.  I had tons of food allergies starting at age 6. One of them was chocolate !

3.  I loved Cadbury Cream Eggs and looked forward to them every year.

4.  I was diagnosed  with Pseudo Tumor Cerebri at age 19 and had a recurrence when I was 25.

5.  I have weighed as little as 113lbs at 5’9 3/4”

6.  I have weighed as much as 226lbs.

7.  I literally have gained and lost hundreds of pounds on my journey to healing my relationship with food and my body.

8.  I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia at age 24.

9.  I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome and Insulin Resistance at age 30.

10. with grace and a willingness to grow and thrive I was able to heal a long history of trauma and abuse.

Love & Grace,

AnaLisa

“Exactly where you are at this very moment, there is a house that bears your name. You’re its sole owner but, a very long time ago you lost the keys. so you stay outside; you’re familiar only with the facade. You don’t live in it. That house, the hideaway of your most deeply buried memories, is your body. ‘If walls could hear…’ In the house of your body, they can.  The walls which have heard everything and never forgotten anything are your muscles. In the stiffness and the tension, in the pains and deficiencies of the muscles of your back, your neck, your legs, your arms, your diaphragm, your heart, and also of your face and your sexual organs, your complete history is revealed, from your birth to the present day.” ~ Therese Bertherat 

I recently read this passage in Therese Bertherat’s book, The Body Has Its Reasons  and was struck by the power of her words.   I clearly remember the time in my life where I “stayed outside of my house”.  My body was not my home, I did everything I could to stay out of my body. My body had become a place of self-loathing and pain. I was overweight and in constant pain from struggling with years of Fibromyalgia, that I wanted nothing to do with it.  What I didn’t realize until a few years later, was the answers to my healing were in my body. It held onto everything, the pain and weight  were “messages” “whispers” waiting to be heard and healed.  That in order for me to feel better I had come home to my body, begin to reenter “my house”, and slowly stop and listen to the wisdom that was inside. 

Love & Grace, 

AnaLisa

There were many things that could make my list this week but I am going to keep it short and sweet. Yesterday was a very joy filled day and I am still feeling very full from the experience, so I am just going to mention two.

1. I signed up for a e-course that starts Monday March 5th called  Hero’s Art Journey,  ”a delight- filled, soul nurturing, technique intensive, spirited exploration of art, creativity, art history, mythology, and personal growth with award wining art professor and children’s book illustrator Dr. Mira Reisberg.”  I am looking forward to the journey, and will post some of my pictures and experiences in the course as I go along. 
2.  Yesterday I  gathered with an Amazing group of friends and took a Access Bars class, ” a unique gentle touch therapy. ” The instructor was so sweet! The energy through the whole day was just wonderful. I feel really blessed to have had the time, and the opportunity to have spent the day giving,receiving and learning about this modality to help facilitate healing and change.  I also feel tremendous gratitude for sharing the experience with such a wonderful group of people. How does it get any better than this?

What moments of joy did you have this week?

Love & Grace,

AnaLisa